As I sit here under the stars once more tonight, I'm listening to an old band. I'm not a very sentimental person, but this is one of the few bands that actually has a part of my childhood branded into them. If you've listened to Incubus, then you know of the band I am talking about. When I was younger, my brother (who is nine years older than me), introduced to me to this band inadvertently. When he would drive me around or when I would hang out in his room, this band would commonly be on. Whenever I hear a song by Incubus, I take a trip down memory lane.
The most exciting thing I did today was talk to a Navy recruiter for a good hour and a half (almost missing lunch due to the length of our conversation) about my future plans after I graduate. Seeing as I have graduation coming up in exactly 55 days, I'm a bit short on time to decide on what I want to do. My original plans were to graduate next year, but alas- life has a way of presenting you with unexpected challenges. On to my point, though... My era of childhood has come to an end, I have realized. I'm no longer concerned with hanging out with friends every weekend, or doing what I can to "maximize my social spread of influence." No... I'm worried about my future.
Will I have a wife? A family? A job that could even support such things? How will my family affect my progression into success, assuming I even have any? It's all quite a bit overwhelming, but I guess I'm feeling the same thing most people do when they are about to leave the nest of adolescence. Albeit, my nest has been filled with multiple holes and occasionally flaming twigs but well... It was still a nest! The time of responsibility is coming upon me faster than I expected. And here I am, writing a blog for people I may not even know. How I love my state of hypocrisy.
But tonight, as I sit here doing whatever it is I do- I'm finding peace. It's been a long time since I've felt real inner peace, and I still don't feel it like I once did. I still have a lot going on and I'm not sure what I'm going to have to do to get it back but... It feels nice out here. The cool air is managing to calm my flames of anger. That, and, well, I made a resolution tonight. It's time to stop being some kid expecting everyone to take care of him. My luck is bad and I know it. There is no damn way in hell I am going to get anywhere in life without working my ass off to get there. So I got another obstacle in the road- big deal. I've been stabbed in the back before. I've also almost been stabbed in the front. Literally.
It just means I have to push myself a little harder than I did before. I've dealt with more stress than this before; I think as I am writing this, I am rediscovering a part of myself that I had lost in the constant anger I have felt in the past few weeks. I'm re-learning what it means to sit back and just patiently do the work, instead of jumping into whatever situation I may be getting into. I'm beginning to feel like I can be rational again.
It's nice to be back.
Tonight, I leave you all with a song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fgT9zGkiLig
Drive - Incubus
